Goblin Thief • Aspiring Potato Magnate
Spibnuk Taterfilch is a wiry goblin with a glint in his eye and crumbs in his pockets. Born under a kitchen table during a particularly loud dinner raid, he’s been obsessed with potatoes ever since—boiled, mashed, fried, or stolen.
What began as petty pilfering evolved into passionate study; Spibnuk can wax poetic about tuber textures and regional soil effects like a sommelier of starch. Though often underestimated, he carries a grand vision in his grease-stained satchel: to one day found “Spibnuk’s Spud Huts”—a beloved chain of humble, roadside potato shacks dotting every kingdom from Cheliax to the Shackles.
Until then, he survives on charm, cunning, and the occasional perfectly-timed theft from royal pantries or adventurers too slow to notice a potato gone missing.
“A spud in hand is worth two in the stew.”
“The skin’s where the magic hides.”
“Taters don’t judge. Only feed.”
“I’ve loved many things, but none of them had chives.”
“You can’t lie to a potato—it knows if you’re hungry.”
“All roads lead to butter.”
“They called me thief. I call it... harvest redistribution.”
“Bake it, don’t break it.”
“Potatoes don’t scream when you bite ‘em. That’s kindness, that is.”
“One day, every goblin will dine on spuds in peace. Until then, I sneak.”